Lord of the Red Sox 7, The King of Fenway

The Red Sox kept winning games so "The Lord of the Red Sox" post I was making became a sort of "Mojo" over in the Sons of Sam Horn Sandbox. I had to keep posting. It was Schilling's turn to pitch, so it was time to introduce him as Theoden. Schilling was also coming back from some down time mid summer, after that awesome 1 hitter against Oakland. As chance would have it his opponent this night would be Oakland again...whose mascot is an elephant, which I had to tie into the story. Grima Wormtounge also had been cast...

"Lord of the Red Sox" mojo presents...

The King of Fenway

Scene: Looking to get Schilling’s pitching back on track for the playoffs, Varitek, Lowell, Lugo and BigPapi walk out to the bullpen. When they arrive they find Schilling looking out of shape and not in his uniform, with a dark figure by his side.


Clemens: My friend, Varitek the Captain is coming. He is a herald of woe.



Tek: The velocity of your fastball is somewhat lessened of late, Schilling the Blogger.



Clemens: He is not welcome here.



Schilling: Why should I welcome you Varitek Pitch-caller?



Clemens: A Just question my friend. Late is the time in the season when this group comes for your aid. Career enders I call them. Save your arm for seasons to come…



Tek: Be silent! Keep your slick tounge behind your teeth. I have not fought through a broken elbow and a hitting slump to bandy crooked words with a Texas Conman. I saw you pitch in the World Baseball classic…you have nothing left in your arm and only poisonous words spew from your lips.



Clemens: Curt, I’ve only ever thought of you. I turned your career around. I taught you the split finger fastball. If you listen to me and save your arm, you can pitch 4 or 5 more years just like me.



BigPapi: Didn’t I see Manny take you yard at the 2004 All-Star game...In your Home park? Didn’t you give up 6 runs in the first inning, in a game they were giving you some lifetime award for being a great pitcher? I’d be quiet if I were you.



Tek: Free your mind from the web of lies Clemens has spread. Help lead Red Sox Nation to another world series. Your path back to greatness is on the mound in Fenway.



Schilling: (takes a deep breath and the glossy look leaves his eyes)



Schilling: Begone from here Clemens Fork-tounge!


Lowell and Lugo grab Clemens and throw him out of Fenway.


Lowell: One, Two, Three…Heave!



Clemens: EEEEEeeeeeee!



Lugo: Damn, that fat bastard was heavy!



Tek: You would remember your old strength if you put on your uniform.


Schilling gets dressed.


Schilling: So who am I pitching against tonight?



Oakland Athletics: EEeRungh!!!



Schilling: The Arm of Great38 will pitch one last time in Fenway before the playoffs….and we shall WIN!

Lord of the Red Sox 6, Gagne

One of the most interesting stories of the 2007 Red Sox was their "Trade Deadline" move of acquiring Eric Gagne. Gagne did nothing, zip, zero, zilch, nada for the Sox in his first 4 starts, blowing 4 saves, giving up quite a few homers. There was only one character in the Lord of the Rings that what I feel was a perfect match for Gagne...

Many of you should have seen this one coming a mile away.


Scene: Red Sox Dugout after last night's game, only Varitek and Pedroia remain with everyone else having retired to the locker room.


Pedroia: Someone is lurking about the Bullpen…



Tek: It's the creature Gagne, he has been following us since Fenway.



Pedroia: That freakin' guy? It's a pity Theo didn't cut him when he had the chance.



Tek: Pity? It was pity that stayed Theo's hand. Many that play deserve to be released. Some that are released deserve to play. Do not be too eager to mess with the roster. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gagne has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Theo may rule the fate of many.

Meanwhile in the Bullpen…Gagne is having a heart to heart with himself.


Gagne-2007: We wants it, we needs it. Must be the closer. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Red Sox. Wicked, tricksy, false!



Gagne-2003: No. Not the Red Sox!



Gagne-2007: Yes, precious, false! They will not let you pitch with the game on the line ever again.



Gagne-2003: The Red Sox are our friends! I can still contribute!



Gagne-2007: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you!



Gagne-2003: I'm not listening... I'm not listening...



Gagne-2007: You're ERA's 7.88 since joining them and you can't find the plate.



Gagne-2003: No!



Gagne-2007: *Four blown saves in Four chances*



Gagne-2003: Go away!



Gagne-2007: "Go away?"


[Gagne-2007 laughs as Gagne-2003 begins crying]



Gagne-2003: I hate you, I hate you.



Gagne-2007: Where would you be without me? I saved us! It was me! We got out of that hell hole in Texas because of me!



Gagne-2003: [stops crying] Not anymore.



Gagne-2007: What did you say?



Gagne-2003: The Red Sox looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.



Gagne-2007: What?



Gagne-2003: Leave now, and never come back!



Gagne-2007: No!




Gagne-2003: Leave now, and never come back!



Gagne-2007 screams in frustration



Gagne-2003: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!


[Gagne-2007 vanishes]


Gagne-2003: [looks around] We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Gagne IS FREE!



(OK, maybe a little wishful thinking on my part, that the 2003 Gagne will show up for the playoffs. But one can dream can't one?)

Lord of the Red Sox 5, The Paths of the Knuckle

So the Red sox win again on Sept. 22nd, clinching a Playoff spot. Very dramatic win, Gagne blows yet another save in the 8th, Tek and Lugo go deep in the 9th to tieing and go ahead runs. Wake's turn to pitch and Mirabelli had missed a few games but was coming back for this game...which brings us to...

The Paths of the Knuckle

Scene: Red Sox Locker room, During last nights playoff clinching celebration.


Lowell: We clinched a playoff spot, thanks to some timely hitting.


BigPapi: A Defensive Shortstop that hits the game winning RBI When a DH can not, I’ll never hear the end of it.


Lowell: We still need to align our pitching for the playoffs. We must seek out Wakefield and show him that Mirabelli is ready to play.

Lugo, BigPapi and Lowell carrying a very large sack, travel through a long forgotten access tunnel from the locker room to the visiting bullpen.


King of the Knuckle: The Pitchers do not suffer the Batters to pass through here.


Lowell: You will suffer me. I summon you to take your place in the playoff rotation.


King of the Knuckle: None but Mirabelli may command me!

Lowell reaches into the large sack he is carrying and pulls out…


Mirabelli: SHWING!


King of the Knuckle: That catcher was broken!


Lowell: He has been re-made.


Lowell: Pitch for us. Regain your honor. What say you? WHAT SAY YOU?!


King of the Knuckle: We will WIN!