The Council of Francona
Scene: Fenway Park, Red Sox locker room. Tito has assembled the non-pitchers on the team to discuss the lack of scoring runs down the stretch.
Tito: “Players from distant lands, friends of old you have been summoned here to answer the threat of the Yankees. Our season stands upon the brink of destruction, none can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each of us is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Pedroia.”
(Pedroia brings forth a 2007 AL East Division Ring.)
JD Drew: “So it is true. In a dream saw, The skies to the south grow dark, But in New England a pale light lingered. Red Sox Nation cried out “The Doom is at Hand, The Yankees are going to Win the AL East.” JD Drew reaches for the ring. “The AL East…”
Tek: One run is all they score. One run behind them. One run and then no more. And out of playoffs find them.
Tito: Never before has anyone dared speak of our lack of scoring runs here in the locker room.
Tek: I do not ask for pardon, Tito, but the truth must come out. The AL East is too much of a burden for us, we can’t hope to Win the World Series if we focus on winning the AL East. Focus on making the playoff, aligning our rotation, and we will start hitting the ball again.
JD Drew: The AL East is a gift. Why not use the AL East to take home field advantage? Let us use it against the Yankees.
Lowell: We can not win it all as a Division winner. Only the Wild Card can win the World Series. It is a curse and by holding the AL East we can’t score more than one run a game.
JD Drew: And what would a Salary dump throw-in know about the Wild Card?
Lugo: This is no mere Salary dump thrown-in. Lowell was on a Wild Card World Series Champion, and he is the only one that has been hitting all year long. He has carried this team to where it is now. You owe him your allegiance.
JD Drew: Whatever…
Tek: Lowell is right. We can not win the AL East.
Tito: You only have one choice, The Yankees must win the AL East.
BigPapi: Then what are we waiting for? (He pick up his bat, Tosses the ring in the air and swings at it, hoping to hit it all the way to Yankee Stadium. However he misses the ring and falls over hurting his knee.)
Tito: The AL East ring has cursed us so we can't hit anything, and our players are getting injured. The Ring must be taken deep into New York and dropped into Yankee Stadium. Only then will we take the Wild Card and win the World Series. One of you must do this.
JD Drew: One does not simply walk into Yankee Stadium and win a playoff series. The black gates are guarded by an evil that does not sleep. The great eye of Steinbrenner is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with foul-mouthed smelly Yankee fans. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with a team of All-Stars could you do this it is folly.
Lugo: Have you heard nothing Tito has said? The AL East Division Ring must be forfeit so we can win the World Series.
BigPapi: And I suppose you think you’re the one to do it? I’ve seen your “Bling” collection, you wouldn’t give up the ring. Never trust a fast shortstop!
JD Drew: And if we don’t win the division series? What happens when the Yankees make it to the World Series.
(All the veteran players start to agrue with each other about the wild card idea)
Pedrioa: I Will Take It! I’ll bring the AL East Ring to Yankees Stadium then win the Division on the road…But I don’t know the way.
Tek: My dear Pedrioa. Rookies really are amazing players. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a whole season they can still surprise you.
Lowell: If by my clutch hitting or contract year motivation I can help you, I will.
Lugo: And you’ll have my glove…
BigPapi: And my bat!
JD Drew: If this is the will of the team, I’ll go along with it. You bear the weight of Red Sox Nation little one.
Youk: HEY! Pedrioa isn’t going anywhere without Me!
Tito: No, indeed. It is hardly possible to keep you off a roster, even when you are a walking ball magnet and have been hit by more pitches than anyone here.
Coco: Hey, We’re coming too!
Manny: Yeah, You’ll need players with great defensive range who always run out grounders to short!
Coco: Well that leaves you out Manny.